@uninventive - September 28th 2016, 1:00:38 am
Never date a deaf woman. Every time I yawn, she thinks I'm screaming at her.
@uninventive - March 18th 2016, 5:46:52 am
Reddit's Shower Thoughts totally ripped off Deep Thoughts with Jack Handey.
@uninventive - March 8th 2016, 3:03:57 am
Chuck Norris once saw a beach concert of Fall Out Boy during an acoustic set and cried. The resulting rise in sea level is why Donald Trump denies climate change.
@uninventive - March 8th 2016, 2:57:45 am
Crap, did it again, ahem... When life gives you lemons, ask why. Why is life giving you anything, let alone something as specific as lemons? What is life trying to make you do? Is it manipulating you to make beverages for someone else? On second thought, I am thirsty. Nevermind. Keep juicing.
@uninventive - March 8th 2016, 2:48:32 am
@brennen - January 4th 2016, 5:52:27 am
is happening?
@brennen - January 4th 2016, 5:51:17 am
@brennen - January 4th 2016, 5:51:15 am
@brennen - January 4th 2016, 5:51:13 am
@brennen - January 4th 2016, 5:51:05 am
@dan - December 6th 2015, 7:05:25 am
squiggle.city 4eva
@dheeraj - August 21st 2015, 1:45:13 pm
I'm trapped in my mind.
@lobster - June 25th 2015, 1:52:25 am
I remember if I rubbed the static off of the CRT screen with a metal fork, and then tap it on the metal case of my 486, I would get a really big shock.
@lobster - June 25th 2015, 1:51:56 am
@dawnbreeze - June 4th 2015, 8:59:00 pm
When you're in the deep end, keep swimming. Nothing else will help if you give up.
@njuqiu - June 3rd 2015, 4:09:26 pm
@brennen - June 2nd 2015, 5:13:27 pm
I drew a frog on my sunglasses while I was stoned the other day and now I have these sunglasses I can't see out of very well.
@brennen - June 2nd 2015, 5:11:01 pm
@eric - April 13th 2015, 4:39:17 am
Thanks for squiggle.city!
@eric - April 13th 2015, 4:38:46 am
@robacarp - December 10th 2014, 4:14:32 pm
I'm genuinely surprised there aren't more --help deep-thoughts.
@robacarp - December 10th 2014, 4:13:02 pm
@uninventive - December 7th 2014, 10:44:58 pm
Let me try that again... when I was young, my older brother had taught me the two fundamental truths to the universe. One, that in all of the realm of possibility of the universe, I may see amazing and wondrous things that no one else could possibly understand and that alone is why my life is worth living. And two, I was adopted. That second part wasn't true, but he left me to believe that for 15 more years. Just to keep my ego in check.
@uninventive - December 7th 2014, 10:36:12 pm
@pax - December 4th 2014, 11:18:52 pm
thank you, computer
@jbd - November 15th 2014, 4:25:35 am
It is cold outside.
@brennen - November 13th 2014, 3:03:13 am
Twitter can eat it.
@brennen - November 13th 2014, 3:02:50 am
@brennen - October 31st 2014, 5:33:04 pm
stilldavid tells me I'm shitty at preparing for things.
@stilldavid - October 31st 2014, 5:27:56 pm
Fuck you.
@brennen - October 31st 2014, 5:06:40 pm
Hey Todd.
@randy - October 31st 2014, 4:34:17 pm
Happy Halloween to everyone I trust not to leave me for dead during the zombie apocalypse
@randy - October 31st 2014, 4:33:10 pm
@casey - October 31st 2014, 4:24:17 pm
I remember how my Great Uncle Jerry would sit on the porch and whittle all day long. Once he whittled me a toy boat out of a larger toy boat I had. It was almost as good as the first one, except now it had bumpy whittle marks all over it. And no paint, because he had whittled off the paint.
@casey - October 31st 2014, 4:11:26 pm
Fuck you.
@todd - October 31st 2014, 4:08:59 pm
You're not wrong, you're just an asshole.